Last night, Benjamin had an existential crisis at the dinner table, weeping, “I don’t want to die and no longer exist.”
Today I bought a giant bag of rubber bands. “You see these?” I told Benjamin. “If you can make it to Saturday without hurting anyone or intentionally damaging anything, they’re yours on Saturday morning.” Yes, I bribed my kid with rubber bands.
Lilah’s school picture came home. She looks exactly like me in the only photo I have of my childhood. I couldn’t stop staring.
A woman told me today that her daughter has just gotten out of pull-ups at night and has been wetting the bed. “I need to sleep on the floor in the hall,” the child told her mom. “So I won’t pee in the bed.” Having read my book, the mother completely freaked out.
Sometimes, I feel a sneeze coming on and run to the bathroom. I don’t always make it.
This is what happens when I swear off Facebook for the month.