April 27, 2017

Oh, my stars. Cream cheese.

Awhile back, in the middle of baking banana bread, I had a thought. “This would be better if I added peanut butter.” If I’m being completely honest, it’s a thought I have almost daily about almost everything.

(Lately, I also often think, “This would be better if I separated the eggs and beat the whites until stiff.” That’s unrelated to peanut butter.)

And it was better. Way better. Because if bananas and chocolate chips are awesome, they can only be better with peanut butter.

Yesterday, however, I was baking banana bread to bring to the school board meeting. Well, to the school board meeting and the children and the sole remaining carpenter and the painter. School board meetings are in… schools. So, no peanut butter.

Fortunately, baking is 3D, edible Mad Libs. “This would be better if I added cream cheese.” Right. Like three times better than with the peanut butter. Anything that can be improved with peanut butter can be improved-er with cream cheese, it seems.

Here’s something I find interesting. Women are much less receptive to baked goods than men. In the case of carpenters and electricians, it makes sense. They are doing physical work all day long.

At school board meetings, however, I see the divide clearly. If we have an audience from the public, the men usually take at least one cookie, with the exception of one guy who continually tells me he’s low-carb. (Why do we say, “I’m low carb”? We all are made out of roughly the same meat. We’re all low-carb when you ask the bears.) When the baked goods go on the table for the board and administrators, some of the women take a cookie or a slice of bread, while the men dive right in.

Last night, we had a combined meeting with our neighboring district. They have a couple of men on their board. Those guys polished off several pieces of banana bread apiece. Among the women on their board? One slice. Total.

I have two possible hypotheses. One, our society warps women into believing that eating two cookies will end the universe.

Actually, that’s my only hypothesis.

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