January 14, 2013

They need a show called “Tact Girl”

“You should call them ‘cut up sweet potatoes,’ not ‘French fries.’ French fries implies they’re white and fried and have salt on them.” So began our dinner conversation about the French fries that were not really French fries, which was better than our dinner conversation about farting.

“They are French fries.”

“No. Now, if they were made by a French friar, you could call them French friers. Get it?” I was starting to miss the conversation about the farts.

“Do you know what a friar is?” My husband was curious.

“Yes. Sort of like a priest.”

Benjamin finished eating his burger and not-fries, but he refused to leave the room. Lilah declined to eat her burger at all, preferring to dine exclusively on not-fries, which means the only thing she had eaten all day that wasn’t a fruit or a vegetable was a pancake at 8 AM. After a knocked over glass and the final egress of Things Two and Three, I resurfaced to find Zach saying, “I laughed. I giggled.” Dramatic pause. “I chortled.”

“I was thinking ‘chortled,’” J replied.

“What can I say? I’m redundant.” Now I was laughing and giggling. “Look,” he went on, “you learn a lot when you watch Word Girl.” This is true. I’m sure quite a few of the eight-year-olds who have watched Word Girl regularly use the word “redundant.” It didn’t make it any less amusing.

The conversation turned in that mysterious way conversations can, and Zach mentioned in passing that his eyes hurt frequently. J looked at me. “I’ll make an appointment.”

“No, it’s just from looking too hard,” Zach put in.

“It means you may need glasses,” my husband told him.

“No. That’ll ruin any chance I have left.”

“Of what?”

“You know.”

“Of getting a date someday?”


“But Daddy and I both wear glasses. We both got dates.”

“Yeah, you got dates with each other. Because none of the good dates wanted you.” By this point, I just couldn’t help it. I was chortling.

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  • Reply Jennifer January 14, 2013 at 2:08 am

    And now I’m chortling, too.

  • Reply melanie January 14, 2013 at 2:46 am

    I’m chortling too. My 7yr old (whose been “on the bubble” for glasses since he was 4) begged for glasses this year. Eye doc agreed it was probably time for reading and school. Drew was so excited picking them out that the 4yr old cried for hours because she had good eyes and no need for glasses. It got so pitiful I walked into the dreaded claires and picked her out a pair of fashion glasses which she wears regularly (they are prob meant for teens as they are too big for her but oh well- people often chuckle when they see her lol)

  • Reply Coco Rogers January 14, 2013 at 2:44 pm

    Oh my, this made me grin, chortle, and guffaw.

  • Reply Shari January 17, 2013 at 2:23 am

    True fact: glasses are cool now. I was getting my new ridiculously strong prescription a few months ago and three separate people walked in during the time I was in there and got designer glasses WITHOUT a prescription. The person I was working with said that happens all the time. Also, personally, I tended to prefer guys in glasses. Married one too. But maybe that was because I wasn’t one of the good dates. 🙂

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