January 7, 2013

What not to buy

Tonight, I’m in the mood for providing a public service, so I’m posting this handy-dandy list of things that you should never, under any circumstances, buy for someone else’s child unless you have the express consent of the parents:

1)   A drum set

2)   Books about God or the Bible. Yes, this includes Noah’s Ark.

3)   It’s So Amazing: A Book About Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families. Also, It’s Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health.

4)   A puppy, a kitten, a guppy, or a hamster. Good rule of thumb: if it needs to be fed, don’t buy it.

5)   Toy guns

6)   Lip gloss. Also nail polish, mascara, or eye shadow.

7)   A drum set. It bears repeating.

Feel free to print this up and keep it in your wallet should you need guidance while purchasing gifts or filling goody bags. Anyone want to add to this list?

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  • Reply Heide January 7, 2013 at 1:16 am

    Here’s hoping that’s not a list of items you’ve been gifted….

    • Reply emily January 7, 2013 at 1:17 am

      Let’s just say there’s at least one item on that list someone gave one of my children today.

  • Reply nicole January 7, 2013 at 1:21 am

    Drums? That’s just evil.

  • Reply Selena January 7, 2013 at 2:25 am

    Great list. I would add anything loud with flashing lights (that plays the same mind numbing song over and over again) and toys that have small pieces… Especially small sharp pieces that may end up under my feet.

  • Reply Poker Chick January 7, 2013 at 2:28 am

    Shit. Does that mean I have to return the copy of “How to be an excellent Torah scholar” I got Zachary?

    • Reply emily January 7, 2013 at 3:36 am

      Pretty sure he’d love that. He piped up to inform the rabbi during services on Friday that — although the rabbi said it’s now 2013 –it’s 5773.

  • Reply Jennifer January 7, 2013 at 2:53 am

    No gift to a child says “f&*k your parents” like Moon Sand.

    • Reply Brigid January 7, 2013 at 9:54 pm

      Ha! I bought my son an Aquadoodle (you know, for extra OT that’s FUN!) and the manufacturers put in a FREE. SAMPLE. OF. MOON. SAND. which I promptly threw away.

  • Reply Erica January 7, 2013 at 3:03 am

    Or anything in this thread:

  • Reply WendyElissa January 7, 2013 at 12:55 pm

    Yeah, lip gloss and body glitter wasn’t my favorite gift on Ella’s fourth birthday. And ugly stuff meant to decorate their room. I hate that.

  • Reply Stephanie January 7, 2013 at 1:51 pm

    Oh I HATE moon sand. I would add, please don’t give finicky, fragile remote control cars to a house with toddlers and babies. As if I don’t have enough to do, now I have to protect antennas and batteries too?

  • Reply Issa January 7, 2013 at 4:07 pm

    Harmonica. Kazoo. DRUMS. Talking Dora, Elmo or Big Bird. If I want a talking doll or musical instrument, I’ll buy it myself, thanks so much. Ahem.

  • Reply magpie January 7, 2013 at 6:26 pm

    anything that requires batteries.
    any craft project with glitter.
    any dolls (or doll heads) that are meant to be hair-styled.

  • Reply Mess of pottage January 11, 2013 at 12:46 am

    […] we’re trying to come up with an appropriate reciprocal gift to send our nieces. Maybe a drum set or a puppy. Or moon […]

  • Reply Upenn January 13, 2013 at 6:34 pm

    Who reads this trash! This person is supposed to be a real writer. She should put the keyboard down and never look back.

    • Reply emily January 13, 2013 at 6:43 pm

      Clearly someone I’ve pissed off.

      • Reply Upenn January 13, 2013 at 8:06 pm

        Give it up. Get a hobby.

  • Reply Catherine January 14, 2013 at 12:48 am

    Especially Noah’s ark! I’m a huge fan of the Bible but (i guess I should say “because”, not “but”) I’m not clear why an ancient, complex story of world wide divine massacre should be the decorative theme of my baby’s bedroom. But each year, many many people attempt to make me do just that.

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