Male judge

by emily on December 2, 2016

OK, first I’m just going to acknowledge that I haven’t blogged since February. I’ve been sort of busy with this and that—kids, building a house, getting another dog, having a play produced, whatever. I needed a really important topic to bring me out of retirement. Something with significant impact upon the world stage. Something that excuses mixing metaphors.

And finally it has happened. I have something to say about a topic so huge, so monumental, that it calls for a clichéd metaphor: self-saucing pudding.

You see, after the election, to help me wade through the pit into which I was sinking, which was filled with those plants that pull you down so you’re eaten by rodents of unusual size, some friends sent me a season of The Great British Baking Show.

Anyone who knows me at all knew exactly where this was going to lead. I mean, like directly through to a full-on obsession with self-saucing pudding. There’s simply no place else where it could have ended up.

I tried a recipe over Thanksgiving for a full pan of chocolate-on-chocolate, which was fine. Then, we got some large ramekins (maybe 12 ounce? Or 16 ounce?) so I could try individual ones. I found a chocolate-peanut butter recipe online, which was also fine.

But I wanted good. Like, really good. Excellent-good.

So, I decided the only solution was to make something with cardamom, which is to the baking world what those traveling pants were to the sisterhood.

Here is what I came up with:


Cardamom apple self-saucing pudding

Butter and lightly flour ramekins (maybe 12-16 ounce)


2 apples

1-2 tablespoons butter

maple syrup (at least ½ cup)

Peel and chop apples. Sauté in butter. Add a bit of water and cook a bit more. Puree. Cook for a few more minutes with some maple syrup.

Put sauce in ice cube tray and freeze for a few hours. I used a round mold, which I would recommend if you can get one. This sauce made 10 balls, which is twice what I could use with the batter, so I’ll be able to make another batch.

Mix together dry ingredients:

2 cups pastry flour

½ tsp cardamom

1 tsp cinnamon

dash nutmeg

dash allspice

1 ½ tsp baking powder

½ tsp salt

Cream together:

2 sticks butter at room temp

1 cup maple sugar. (You totally could use regular sugar, but I live in Vermont.)

Add to butter:
3 eggs. (I live in Vermont, so they are from free range chickens that some kid raises and sells to my local greengrocer.)

½ cup milk. (I live in Vermont, so it’s from Sweet Rowen. Because I can.)

Mix dry ingredients into wet.

Put 2/3 cake batter into bottoms of ramekins (see comment below). Place in round ice molds of apple stuff. Cover with remaining batter. Put ramekins onto cookie sheet. Bake at 350 F. Takes about ½ hour. After 15-20 minutes, sprinkle a maple sugar/sugar and cinnamon mixture across tops. Take out when top looks fully baked. Cool for a couple of minutes on a cooling rack, then run a knife around the edge before turning out of ramekins. Serve immediately.

My children, incidentally, have also become obsessed with The Great British Baking Show. Also with self-saucing pudding. The mere sight of those ramekins fills them with joy.

“Those look good,” Zachary told me as I filled the ramekins.

“I don’t know,” I replied. “I’m just making it up.”

“Mom, haven’t you realized that the recipes you make up are always better than the ones you find on the Internet?” Zachary is my new favorite child.

Or was, until we ate them and he said, “Flavor is good, and that’s a good sauce. But it’s a little soggy on the bottom because you needed to have more batter on the bottom than on the top. Otherwise, it’s a good bake.”




Unkindest cut

by emily on February 16, 2016

Dear Children,

When you were newborns, I nursed you, changed you, and diligently washed your sensitive little backsides with mild soap and water every day. You got tummy time every day. I stuck to a schedule and took you out for walks and burped you between sides. And, most importantly, from the very first week, I read to you.

Admittedly, in those first months, you frequently slept through the books, but I kept at it. Eventually, you caught on and took an interest. And then more of an interest.

Eldest, we used to read you four books at bedtime. The last one was always Goodnight Moon. “Goodnight comb, and goodnight brush. Goodnight Nobody. Goodnight mush.” Then, one night when you were eleven months old, I pulled out the familiar green and orange book, and you pushed it away. Decisively. Emphatically, even. You were having none of it, because you realized that when we read you Goodnight Moon, the jig was up, and you wanted book time to continue on and on. Let that old lady whisper “hush” to some other sucka.

Middle, your favorite book was Blueberries for Sal. For months and months. The other books in your evening repertoire might vary, but every night we read that one. I’m pretty sure it was because of your blueberry obsession. Little Sal and her mother, climbing up one side of Blueberry Hill, while Little Bear and his mama climb the other. “Kuplink, kuplank…” and together we would say, “kuplunk.” That satisfying sound of berries in an empty bucket.

Youngest, you, my dear, went through a tragic Karen Katz phase. Which was not as awful as your brothers’ Berenstain Bears and Richard Scarry phases, except eventually you inherited and made me read those books, too. You redeemed yourself with a love of The Lorax, Owl Babies, and Room on the Broom. You especially loved that owl mother swooping in to Sarah and Percy and Bill.

My children, oh how you progressed! When you turned five, I read each of you The Wizard of Oz in turn. Middle, you made it through quite a number of those Oz books, but the other two never showed much interest past the first one or two. And then there were the Little House books, beloved by each of you in kindergarten. You knew Almanzo and Laura were going to get together, but somehow the anticipation was delicious all the same.

But the seasons they go round and round, and that painted pony? It goes up and down.

You grew into Harry Potter. Each of you began by letting me read you those books, and then decided to continue on your own. “Decided” might be too measured a word. Mostly, you snuck under the covers and the next morning the bookmark was three chapters further on and I couldn’t get you out of bed for school.

After Harry Potter, you began to diverge. Your tastes were different when you read to yourselves. Eldest loved Dan Gutman and Percy Jackson, Middle disappeared into The Hardy Boys, and Youngest, enough with the damned fairy books already. Yet, when it came time for me to read, there was overlap. Narnia and The Secret Garden and The Little Princess. Perhaps you loved it so much because it was your time alone with me, but I like to think it was my superior reading skills. No one can read The Night Pirates quite like I can.

“Down, down, down the dark, dark street they came…”

Each night, I went from one room to the next. Youngest with Dealing With Dragons, then Middle with The Sixty-Eight Rooms. Then Eldest, with A Tree Grows in Brooklyn and The Bean Trees.

I knew I was living on borrowed time. I knew it was pretty damned special to have a kid who let me read to him long enough for us to get around to The Chosen. To try to make it last a little longer, I threw in The Reading Promise.

Denial. River in Egypt and all that.

Lately, Youngest, you are openly objecting. You don’t want to stop reading and come out of the world you are in, and you want to be alone with the characters. Eldest is at least humoring me, but I can see he’s long since outgrown having his mother read to him. Only Middle still wants it… as long as he’s not reading something else.

I know, I know, that the time has come. I understand that you were bound to outgrow it. I’m so thankful that you’re all wonderful—nay, magnificent—readers. I love that you read me bits of The Warriors series and insist I read this Garfield comic and summarize for me the entire plot of The Silmarillion, which I can’t follow at all. I respect that children grow up and away.

I’m not ready. Of course, I’ll never be ready, but that’s beside the point. I wanted to end on something perfect, and instead you’re all squirming to get back to your own books.

I’ll let it go. I’ll let you go. And I’ll try to sneak it in here or there, reading you The Onion or the SCOTUS blog whenever you’ll let me. But know that it pains me. Deeply. Know that I want to hold onto those days when we snuggled in with a book. Know that I want to be intimately involved in your reading lives, while at the same time I know I have to let you have your own reading lives. I’m bleeding internally from the separation. I’ll do my best to keep it internal.

In the great green room, there was a telephone, and a red balloon, and a picture of the cow jumping over the moon.

What I wouldn’t give to have you ask me to read you The Berenstain Bears or even that infernal Richard Scarry. Just one last time.

Soft and silent, she swooped through the trees to Sarah and Percy and Bill.

Someday, there’ll be grandchildren.

Kuplink, kuplank, kuplunk.



August 4, 2015

You know who doesn’t complain when he’s out hiking with me? Who doesn’t groan that he’s tired or his stomach hurts? Who doesn’t drag his feet? Who doesn’t ask me how much further it is or insist on a break or pointedly swat at the deer flies? The dog, that’s who. Marley is always delighted to […]

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The road more traveled

July 15, 2015

So, I took the dog on a hike today because, well, because that’s what we do. And we’re going to skip over the part where he chased a bleating baby deer and ignored me when I called him off and I failed to think clearly enough to grab for the deer instead of the dog […]

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The man who went up a mountain

July 13, 2015

At 2651 feet, it’s a small mountain. Since the parking lot is up a steep road, you’re only hiking up an elevation of 1520 feet in the course of about a mile and a half. Hugh Grant movie jokes aside, however, it is a real mountain. We hiked it this weekend—Lilah, J, Marley, and me. […]

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Smarter than the average bear

July 3, 2015

Our neighborhood here in Vermont is an off-leash area. Dogs stroll through our yard now and then on their way to lunch dates or business meetings or somesuch. There are extensive hiking trails behind our neighborhood, and people are forever tromping down the road in various stages of sweatiness preceded by muddy canines. Marley, however, […]

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Buffalo Soldier

June 26, 2015

The kids wanted to keep the name the dog got in the shelter. Frankly, I was relieved. “Bob Marley” was better than what Zachary wanted to call him. What kind of a self-respecting dog can walk around with the name “Popsicle”? Lilah had some other ideas, but since she speaks some made-up language to her […]

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Happiness is

June 25, 2015

I’ve wanted a dog my entire life. Really, my entire life. My stepmother had this dog. Or at least this little thing approximating a dog. Ketchie, it was named. But as it belonged to my stepmother, one would be hard-pressed to imagine it being a source of dogginess for me. For the record, she treated […]

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On Baltimore and mothers and privilege

April 30, 2015

I’m seeing a lot of articles about why we shouldn’t call Toya Graham a hero. Graham, in case you don’t have internet access under your rock, is the mother who was video recorded smacking her teenaged son and chasing him away from the looting in Baltimore. The articles I’m seeing are taking (white) people to […]

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April 9, 2015

Sometimes, my husband jokes that he married me for my matzoh ball soup. At least, I think he’s joking. He might be a little bit serious. When we married, I made very good matzoh ball soup. Now, I make freaking fantastic matzoh ball soup. I’d tell you how I make it, but it takes several […]

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